Rooster in Review: Stickers! Stickers! Stickers!
Here's another chance to win some Rooster stickers, courtesy of your neighborhood rag.
Respond to this email with President Xi Jinping’s age and your address, and The Rooster will select 20 patriots sometime this weekend to send out two stickers free of charge.
Winners will be notified by a response simply stating, “Winner.”
If you would like to guarantee some stickers or want to support independent political media, Venmo me any amount of money. The first three financial deposits will receive a special “Patriots Caucus” sticker with their shipment.
Orders will go in the mail sometime next week. Those that buy stickers will be notified of shipment via the Venmo transaction. Should your stickers fail to arrive, I’ll ship new ones, no problem.
This week in Ohio Man…
It’s ironic considering the subject of this dispatch, but one big conspiracy I have is that many businesses lie about contest winners. Think about how many contests you’ve seen. Ever known somebody to win one personally? Probably not!
One Ohio man has caught a golf course trying to play him for a fool.
From Kurt Snyder of newarkadvocate.com:
NEWARK, Ohio – An Ohio golf club issued a challenge last spring, and Luke Sutton accepted it.
The man now is waiting for his reward. Virtues Golf Club offered a $10,000 promotional prize for anyone who hit a hole-in-one. Last May, Sutton recorded an ace on hole No. 14.
Sutton, who lives in Coshocton, about 60 miles northeast of Columbus, filed a lawsuit against the club's operator, Four Virtues Inc. Tuesday in Licking County Common Pleas Court, claiming the club is not making good on the agreement.
"Virtues has knowledge of the hole in one and used the event and the Plaintiff Sutton's likeness to advertise the golf course and the continued promotion of $10,000 for a hole in one," the suit reads.
“Having knowledge” and proving you hit the hole-in-one are two different things. But lawyers will take your money regardless.
This week in The Rooster…
What not drinking alcohol for 90 days did for this insane communist blogger. I lost weight, saved money, and improved my day-to-day mood immensely.
Props to the Superintendent of Worthington Schools. It’s refreshing to see a public education official refuse to cave to bad-faith attacks from right-wing propaganda organs. This week’s top dispatch.
Something is off with the coroner’s impromptu retirement. The official timeline is puzzling.
The Dispatch ganked my horny auditor candidate story. The official response to why the Dispatch didn’t link to my tweet is that it featured “sexually explicit content” even though their stolen story was about sexually explicit content in the first place. None of the attached screenshots featured any nudity, either.
Vote “No” on Columbus Issue 14. The $300 million proposal is vaguely worded and will be siphoned by the cops in the name of “public safety.”
As always, be sure to follow The Rooster on Twitter for all of Ohio’s depravity, all the time.
THOSE WMDs. Kanye West has a history of admiring Hitler… Gen-Z worried about age restrictions if Issue 2 passes… Examining the business of Halloween… Top Twitter executives fired as Elon Musk takes over... The rise of sleep tourism.