The Fuckin' Browns

And other observations from a west coast swing.

Well that happened I totally went to the Yay as we locals call it and got dawg walked by Breitbart commenter Nick Bosa who as it turns out still has a few tricks in his football bag.

I know my therapist was relieved to see the 49ers disrespected my Brownies because he damn well knew had we tombstoned them as was originally planned there would have been no coaxing me back from the brink of my midlife crisis tour.

My body isn’t mad about the Browns debacle either. It’s ready for me to return to a life of exercise and home-cooked plant-based meals and eight hours of sleep a night.

But those nerds will have to take a number because I’m what we globetrotters call “jet lagged” and somehow I went to a Monday night game and awoke on a Wednesday which means I have 96 more hours of misbehaving.

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MORGAN HARPER PUTS HER CHIPS ON THE TABLE

When Morgan Harper announced her primary challenge of Congressional Representative Joyce Beatty a former Ohio Democratic Party chairman named Chris Redfern tweeted “Beatty’s challenger will get 2% of the vote and that even might be high.”

I’ve got that tweet saved for the night of St. Patrick’s Day 2020 the date the fuck-ass Republicans that run this state decided to place the state’s Democratic primaries. I plan on escorting Redfern to the trashcan on that night.

The Columbus Democratic Machine circled the wagons but I don’t think many of their stooges saw Harper on her announcement day for what she is which is the most potent threat they have faced since drumming Republicans out of city government.

Harper accrued 3,362 donations from 2,674 individuals and raised $323,000 in the first quarter of her primary challenge.

For comparison Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez the first Communist in Congress only raised $60,000 throughout her campaign to unseat the second most powerful Democrat in Congress.

Some suits in the local party have inquired about the rowdy lawyer looking to tangle with the Beatty Machine and I always say look the first thing you need to know is she’s a shark and the second thing you should know is her team is also sharks and the third thing you should know is they’re playing for keeps.

You can help do your part to destroy the lizard government currently controlling Columbus by donating directly to Harper’s campaign. Perhaps you took a hit on the Browns money line like I did well guess what the good news is as little as $3 can help so quit being stingy and do your part to topple a shitty politician who sold her soul in the VCR era.

TOP OHIO DOCTOR HAS THINGS TO SAY ABOUT ONE BAD THING BUT NOT ANOTHER

To become a top doctor in Ohio you have to kiss the ring of a weaselly politician and say yes sir all that medical training was bullshit I actually agree abortion is murder.

For evidence let’s compare the top doctor’s energy while dealing with two equally unscientific bills currently circulating the Ohio House.

From Karen Kasler of wosu.org:

[Ohio Department of Health director Dr. Amy Acton] the top doctor in state government says she’s keeping an eye on legislation involving vaccinations and abortion, which opponents say have dubious medical science behind them.

Acton said her agency's goal is to reduce or eliminate vaccine-preventable diseases, though there are exemptions in the immunization law for medical reasons or religious convictions.

“Everything has a risk benefit,” Acton said. “But vaccines are the surest, safest way that we can keep our kids healthy. So you’ll see me speak out on that.”

The legislature is also considering two other medically questionable abortion bills – one requiring doctors who perform medication abortions to tell patients of a controversial pill to reverse the abortion, and another allowing insurance coverage of a non-existent procedure in an ectopic pregnancy to move the fertilized egg inside the uterus.

Acton said because her agency is facing an unrelated abortion policy lawsuit, concerning the state’s hospital transfer requirements, she can’t talk about the issue.

That is of course horse shit she’s just saying that so she doesn’t have to admit oh yeah while I agree philosophically with the goals these leathery ghouls in the Ohio House are trying to accomplish I don’t agree with the caveman chemistry they used to get to that destination.

OK GRANDPA THAT’S ENOUGH FACEBOOK FOR YOU TODAY

Here’s a story that’s sure to inflame all the people who use the word “snowflake” as a pejorative because their fragile minds can’t handle a world in which high schools aren’t crowning kings and queens.

From 10tv.com:

MILFORD, Ohio (WKYC) — An Ohio high school is making headlines for its decision to sidestep traditional gender roles by crowning two girls homecoming "royalty" rather than "king and queen."

Milford High School, located northeast of Cincinnati, decided to crown Abbey Stropes and Trinity Miller its "Homecoming Royalty" on Friday. The district says that term will stick in future years to come.

"Moving forward, Milford High School will not use the term 'King and Queen' to refer to the two students who receive the highest votes from their peers. They will be known this year and in the future as 'Homecoming Royalty,'" the district said on its Facebook page.

Come to think of it I can’t even remember who won my homecoming royalty awards. I definitely don’t think I was cool enough to win.

YANG SHAMELESSLY PANDERING AND I HATE THAT I DON’T HATE IT

Ohio already has one of the premier university systems in the country but sure fuck it let’s tax the hell out of Harvard and make them build us a new university.

From Jenni Fink of newsweek.com:

As a presidential candidate vying for the Democratic nomination, Yang isn't a frontrunner, but the underdog has had huge fundraising success and polls show his rank improving. Like the other presidential hopefuls, part of the candidate's platform addresses the cost of higher education.

But Yang has something on his education agenda that no other candidate does.* The 2020 hopeful talked to Newsweek about a proposal that's entirely unique: making Harvard fork over millions to open another campus in the United States.

Yang's plan would have any university with an endowment of more than $30 billion contribute one percent of its endowment to found and operate a new university in Ohio. Once that university is self-sustaining, the higher education institution would then establish a university in another community.

For some time, Harvard was in a league of its own when it came to the $30 billion mark. The school continued to dominate when it comes to financials through the 2019 fiscal year, which bumped Harvard's endowment up to $40.9 billion. One percent of $40.9 billion, the amount Yang would make them pay, is $409 million.

"Instead of opening outposts in China, Harvard could be opening campuses in the Midwest and using the new locations to expand and experiment with new models of education," Yang told Newsweek.

Yang isn’t fooling me with his Libertarian philosophy cloaked in tech geekery. I’m not voting for that guy unless he’s the last one standing. And even if that unlikely scenario comes to pass I’m going to push him on abolishing Harvard altogether and transferring all its wealth to Ohio.

JIM JORDAN THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE

A gaggle of very stupid men came together yesterday to squawk a defense for their orange god who is too stupid to stop committing crimes in public. It’s unfortunate that history will be forced to note a hobgoblin from rural Ohio was a shot-caller in this posse of smooth-brained idiots.

WE NEED MORE ENERGY LIKE THIS IN COLUMBUS

Franklin County is the big city in Ohio which means no Republican should hold office anywhere. One of the last stiffs standing is Franklin County prosecutor Ron O’Brien.

I’ve heard former Congressional candidate Danny O’Connor will challenge O’Brien to a somebody’s ‘O’ has got to go match in 2020 but that’s another topic for another day.

What I do know is whoever made this sign is right. O’Brien sucks shit and somebody should be dead or dying before you call the cops because somebody’s life will most likely change forever when you summon the people with powers to cage people.

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