God Damnit, The Democrats Are Betting on the Suburbs Again
The Rooster is skeptical we can depend on the Whole Foods crowd.
The Rooster is of the belief that national outlets shouldn’t be allowed to contract non-Ohioans to write about our decrepit outpost nestled into the armpit of America.
The New York Times is a famous reason for that belief.
The term “Cletus safari” was coined after the national paper of record discovered what level-headed residents of this state have long known: You don’t have to travel far in Ohio to find some asshole willing to spout some wildly ignorant shit on the record at 9 a.m. while walking into a Kroger liquor store to purchase the pint of vodka that’s going to get them through that day’s work shift.
But The New York Times has once again deigned to cover the inner machinations of our corrupt, backwater political system with a headline most likely hatched in a CIA laboratory to give The Rooster brain tremors:
In Ohio Senate Race, Democrats Pin Their Hopes on the Suburbs
by Jazmine Ulloa and Jonathan Weisman
LORAIN, Ohio — J.D. Vance’s convincing victory Tuesday in the Republican Senate primary in this red-tinged state may have put an exclamation point on the power of former President Donald J. Trump’s imprimatur among conservative activist voters.
Ulloa and Weisman have the Serious Journalist credentials, and they let you know that by using the word “imprimatur” in the first sentence of the column. Do you know what imprimatur means without looking it up? Only if you’re an asshole.
Beyond that, calling Ohio “red-tinged” at this moment in history is as laughable as it would be to describe a triple murder committed with a hatchet inside a 10x10 cabin outside Pataskala.
The joke is we’re the Alabama of the North. No, we’re Indiana.
But Mr. Vance, the shape-shifting author and venture capitalist — once a Never-Trump antagonist, then an acolyte of the former president — has one possible battlefield left for the general election: the suburbs.
Mr. Vance is your run-of-the-mill asshole willing to say anything to get elected. In The New York Times, that mean’s you’re a mythical “shapeshifter” like a comic book character.
That is where Representative Tim Ryan, a Democrat hoping to appeal to establishment Republicans and working-class voters, will have to drive up the vote to overcome conservative shifts in more rural parts of the state. The suburbs are also the places here and across the country where demographics are the most racially and ethnically diverse — and where Republicans are slightly more split, centrists often feel without a party, and many voters are only now awakening to the 2022 midterm cycle.
This entire paragraph is junk. None of these sentences even mean anything. The last sentence of that paragraph in particular is embarrassing. The suburbs are not the places “across the country where demographics are most racially and ethnically diverse” — the opposite, actually.
The tripe continues, “Centrists often feel without a party and many voters are only now awakening to the 2022 midterm cycle.” This sentence is merely a regurgitation of the reports’ bland opinions packaged as objective reporting that should be taken as fact despite no numbers presented to back up the argument.
A 20-minute drive east toward Cleveland, where wood-paneled homes give way to mansions alongside Lake Erie, Bay Village is among the suburbs and historically Republican communities across Ohio that have seen something of a liberal shift. Heading into a pharmacy with his 9-year-old son, Michael Edelman, 43, said Mr. Vance’s groundswell of support across the state was “a little terrifying.” But he said he believed Mr. Ryan could still have a path to victory if enough people show up at the ballot box in Ohio’s eight large urban centers.
Edelman is on the right track here, but the Ohio Democratic Party apparently has given up on turning out “enough” voters in the state’s “eight large urban centers.” The path to victory, according to the experts, lies in places like Bay Village.
“If rural counties carry the state, he doesn’t stand a chance,” said Mr. Edelman, the director of education at Ideastream Public Media, which runs several local public television and radio stations.
Oh, it’s now revealed in the second paragraph that Mr. Edelman is a director at a media company that runs “several local public television and radio stations,” and he, purely by happenstance, came into contact with two New York Times reporters while walking into a pharmacy with his 9-year-old son.
As for his thesis—yeah, no shit it’s over for Ryan it’s over for Ryan if the rural counties carry the state. This is not an idea worth quoting.
To be sure, Mr. Vance enters the general election season heavily favored against Mr. Ryan. Mr. Trump carried Ohio twice in far less favorable political climates, and with inflation surging and gas prices over $4 a gallon, the Buckeye State is not sheltered from the political winds.
As it turns out, even the bumpkins in the Buckeye State are forced to deal with tabletop issues affecting the rest of the country. This is the news fit to print, as The New York Times likes to say.
In Ohio’s old battlegrounds, where union families voted Democratic for generations, and Appalachian voters tended to shift their allegiances and parties, the Trump era appears to have locked down Republican support.
Appalachian voters were ancestral Democrats because union jobs used to exist in Appalachia during the state’s heyday.
“Trump changed the game here,” said Tom McCabe, chairman of the Republican Party in Mahoning County, where a decade ago Republicans were scarce and now they dominate.
No, NAFTA changed the game in the Mahoning Valley. Trump was just the latest bullshit artist who came along, told them not to sell their houses, and then presided over the Lordstown Chevy Cruz Factory moving to Mexico.
Four years ago, Mr. Vance, working as a venture capitalist, was all smiles as he hitched a ride on a three-day bus trip, scouting investment opportunities in Youngstown and Akron, Ohio; Detroit and Flint, Mich.; and South Bend, Ind. — a tour that was organized by none other than Mr. Ryan. Mr. Ryan, at the time, was the popular congressman from Mahoning and Trumbull Counties, eager to show off progress, like the electric vehicle batteries being built in what he called Voltage Valley.
This is the most informative paragraph in the entire article. Of course Tim Ryan tried to court a venture capitalist vampire like J.D. Vance. It’s the perfect representation of the modern Democratic party: Prostrate yourself before the capitalist class instead of defending the blue-collar workers in the trenches.