Rooster in Review: It's easier to steal a car than you might think
Just don't target suburban car dealerships. They're a protected class that routinely donate to our Republican overlords.
Another week in the books, folks! If you’re at work—go ahead and call it a day. I’m giving you permission even if your boss won’t.
And I’m telling you what, it’s getting ever closer to Put-in-Bay season. Do you think not drinking will stop me from visiting the Ibiza of Ohio? Please. I’m from Marion. It doesn’t take much to impress me.
Thank you, as always for your readership. If you’re not a member of Patriot Xi Jinping’s Patriots Caucus, consider this an opportunity to join the fabled cadre for three dispatches a week:
Now, time to recap the week that was.
This week in Ohio Man…
One of the many things that I detest about the modern car is that we’ve basically turned them into computerized entertainment systems to distract drivers while they pilot a 3,000-pound steel missle down the interstate at 75 miles per hour.
The other down shot, at least for owners, is that it has apparently made cars much easier to steal. A lot of cars can be stolen with a USB cord or key programmers.
Above you’ll find a video from @614kiaboyys, which has over 20,000 followers on an account that primarily involves the owner and his friends stealing cars from around Columbus.
Did you get your Tesla stolen this week? It might be featured in the video above. My girlfriend got her Altima rental car stolen—The Bottoms has still got it, baby!—last week. She couldn’t get a cop to come to her house for three days and finally had to make it the rental car company’s problem.
Such is the general reaction of police when everyday citizens are the victims of property crime. However, it’s a bad idea for criminals to make a habit of victimizing rich people. The cops know who pays their salary, and they will find you according.
That’s what happened to a car thief ring in Cleveland this week.
From Ian Cross of news5cleveland.com:
CLEVELAND — Eleven men have been indicted for operating a criminal organization that broke into 26 car dealerships in 27 cities in 11 Northeast Ohio counties between November 2022 and March, resulting in the thefts of at least 86 vehicles with a total estimated value of $5.1 million, Cuyahoga County prosecutors announced Wednesday.
Most of the vehicles stolen were luxury and high-end cars, including 14 Dodge Challengers, 14 Mercedes-Benz cars, 12 BMWs, 10 Jeep Cherokees and seven Dodge Durangos, according to information presented by prosecutors at a news conference Wednesday.
Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Michael O’Malley said they believe a total of 126 vehicles were stolen, with charges connected to 86 vehicles. They believe all but 26 of the 126 vehicles have been recovered.
These geniuses, in a gang that ranged from ages 18 to 22, gave one of their government names while casing a dealership.
They also stole the truck of Cleveland Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson, which I don’t even think should count as a crime against them. They’re already going to be doing years in prison anyway. All you can do is shake your head at the stupidity.
Shirts for sale! Get your shirts here!
The RooStore is officially open for business.
Gotta say, they print and ship and quick, so if you order today you’ll have your wares in time for the Memorial weekend. I got numerous comments from various hobgoblins at 1 Capitol Square that were totally dismayed that I’m expanding the enterprise, so know your money will go towards making the worst kinds of people seasick with our success.
This week in The Rooster…
The Short North’s new normal. The uptick in violent crime in Columbus’ trendy neighborhood was a long time coming as city leaders lack the courage to do what must be done to solve the problem at the root.
School choice doesn’t do anything for most of Ohio’s students. Corey DeAngelis, an out-of-state interest funded by the billionaire class, ventures to Ohio to push the notion of “school choice” without understanding the damage it’s already done to Ohio’s schools. This dispatch is free for all.
Attack of the kooks. Recapping the Republicans’ two-front assault on public education on Wednesday, with interviews featuring Lt. Governor Jon Husted, State Senator Andy Brenner (R-Powell), State Rep. Bill Seitz (R-Cincinnati) and Corey DeAngelis of the American Federation for Students.
As always, be sure to follow The Rooster on Twitter and TikTok for all of Ohio’s depravity, all the time.
THOSE WMDs. How disaster experts prepare for the worst… The billion-dollar Ponzi scheme that hooked Warren Buffet and the United States Treasury… How genetics determine our life choices… Everything about Johnny Depp at Cannes was an embarrassing disaster… Who killed Rasheem Carter?