Make a Newsletter About Ohio They Said

China diplomat travels to Columbus to (correctly) blame Trump, Lake Erie full of shit, and more.

Love to live in the famously fair country where the criminal president can’t be indicted for doing multiple felonies because he actually won the election he lost by three million votes.

If there’s any doubt the Republican Party belongs to President Deals, please enjoy this picture of West Virginia governor Jim Justice (looking like a 60-year-old teenager wearing his dead grandpa’s suit to prom) and Ohio governor Mike DeWine (looking like a wrinkled 12-year-old at a PG-13 movie who just saw his first titty) standing next to an obdurate white collar criminal at a high-dollar fundraiser hosted by a coal baron.

The most depressing thing about enduring this era is working people are being dicked down by doughy dinosaurs who couldn’t run around the block.

And this is the power amassed by a cantankerous fake billionaire who only cares about racism and enriching himself and his adult children.

Just another reminder dumping Trump is only the start. Eventually there’s going to be a Republican without dementia who reassembles the MAGA coalition through the same dark arts. He will be much more dangerous than President Deals.

Anyway, welcome to the most optimistic newsletter on the internet. People who aren’t my parents pay to read this. I can’t believe it either.


Shoutout to the Chinese diplomat that traveled half-way(?) across the globe to remind Ohio farmers that his country didn’t start the trade war that dropped a hammer on them.

From Marty Schladen of

The U.S.-China trade war is hurting the economies of both countries, and the damage won’t stop merely by calling it off, a Chinese diplomat said Tuesday.

Qian Jin, deputy consul general for China’s New York consulate, was in Columbus visiting with students, business leaders and others. In an editorial board meeting with The Dispatch, Qian said it wasn’t China’s idea to start a trade war in which the United States has slapped tariffs on $250 billion worth of Chinese goods and China has retaliated with $110 billion of tariffs on American products.

“We don’t want to bully, but we don’t want to be bullied,” Qian said.

He underlined the importance of Chinese trade with Ohio. The Buckeye State exports $4 billion a year to China, and with its growing economy and a growing middle class, that means the market for U.S. goods will continue to grow Qian said.

The wild thing is 95% of farmers are still behind Trump.


Lake Erie used to be the economic jewel of Ohio. And despite those days being in the rear view mirror, it’s a majestic body of water that the state could protect like Illinois did with Lake Michigan.

Earlier this year, the DeWine Administration introduced the H2Ohio Initiative that will “protect Ohio’s water quality with $900 million over 10 years.”

That sounds like a lot of money until you remember the lake has suffered toxic algae blooms for two decades. And that it’s also full of human shit.

From Briana Rice of

In 2018, 58 beach sites in Ohio were sampled. Of the beaches sampled, 56 sites had unsafe levels of contamination on at least one day, according to a study by the Environment America Research and Policy Center.

Here are some of the most potentially unsafe beaches in Ohio:

  • Bay View West in Erie County (48 unsafe days, 70 samples)

  • Maumee Bay State Park (Inland) in Lucas County (43 unsafe days, 56 samples)

  • Villa Angela State Park in Cuyahoga County (42 unsafe days, 115 samples)

  • Lakeview Beach in Lorain County (39 unsafe days, 60 samples)

  • Euclid State Park in Cuyahoga County (38 unsafe days, 112 samples)

  • Sherod Park Beach in Erie County (32 unsafe days, 67 samples)

  • Lake Front Park in Erie County (31 unsafe days, 69 samples)

  • Huntington Beach in Cuyahoga County (31 unsafe days, 105 samples)

  • Maumee Bay State Park (Erie) in Lucas County (31 unsafe days, 54 samples)

  • Bay View East in Erie County (25 unsafe days, 69 samples)

I swam in Lake Erie the day after the Cavs won the 2016 NBA title. That will probably be the last time in my life.


Passing the biannual budget is always a dangerous time in Ohio because most state legislators are idiots, and that makes pencil-pushers the gatekeepers of the devilish details.

Some favors get cut. Others don’t.

This year, Ohio Republicans relaxed rules against failing charter schools a year after the largest charter school scandal in state history.

From Catherine Cadinsky of

Ohio lawmakers have eased the rules for closing charter schools with bad grades, saving up to 52 from risk of closure.

Tucked into the just-passed state budget was a provision expected to reduce the number of the privately operated tax-funded schools subject to automatic closure.

The legislature eliminated a rule that forces a charter school with an overall “F” grade on its state report card for two of the prior three years to shut down. Now, schools must perform poorly for three consecutive years before being closed.

The change gives a reprieve to as many as 52 charter schools that were at risk of closing unless they improved on 2019 state report cards due out in a few weeks, according to the Ohio Department of Education. Now, none of Ohio’s more than 300 charter schools will be forced to close for failing academic performance and they will have at least another year to get their grades up.

The two-year $69 billion budget, House Bill 166, included other policy changes which will help charter schools avoid closure and penalties.

Seems like a bad idea to allow profiteers to continue educating children despite a proven record of being bad at educating children. But hey, I don’t have any children.

This is, of course, is all a part of the continued assault on public education. Going to be sad in 2035 when the bill comes due on gutting clean energy standards and public education and the average age of an Ohioan is a 67-year-old living in a nightmarish, unregulated nursing home.


Social media plays an oversized role for media companies in 2019, so it’s no surprise when publishers either buy fake followers or fail to block bots to inflate their perceived status.

Some of Columbus’ leading publishers aren’t as influential as their follower counts make it seem.

From James Arney of

Online advertising is eating traditional advertising, but most of that online growth has gone to Facebook and Google, two companies that pay plenty of lip service to local news, but in practice do a lot of things that leave us … well, here, where we are right now.

Local news seems like a can’t miss for businesses who want to reach their local audience while supporting their community, but it’s not difficult to see why Facebook and Google have cleaned up in the marketplace when you look at the murkiness of what’s on offer locally.

ABC6 having nearly 75% fake followers is the least surprising thing ever. Disappointed to see The Dispatch caught in a web of lies, though.


I’m not a patriotic American because I do everything in my power to avoid the No. 1 shopping experience in the country.

From Al Urbanski of

The 3 million-sq.-ft., as-detailed-as-Disney retail phenomenon owes its genesis to retail giant Les Wexner, who laid down a new beat and melody for attracting consumers to retail. He envisioned places instead of stores, experiences instead of convenience. He owned a large tract of land near the Columbus airport that was sitting empty, so he enlisted The Georgetown Company and Steiner to realize his vision.

Today, Easton’s pedestrian-friendly thoroughfares, dining district, street-level retail (even a light-and-airy take on the enclosed mall) packs both the town center and its three hotels on a daily basis. Among its more than 300 tenants are Nordstrom, Macy’s, Louis Vuitton, Tiffany & Co., Crate & Barrel, Apple, Brio Tuscan Grille, Smith & Wollensky and Mitchell’s Ocean Club.

“The combination of activity and critical mass and the creation of neighborhoods makes Easton a very special place,” said Georgetown CEO Adam Flatto. “The town center is just one aspect. There are 35,000 office employees, hotels, apartments. Having that density is what makes Easton a dominant destination.”

Easton is fine or whatever. I understand why people without online brain disease like it. But if Easton is the No. 1 retail experience in America then maybe the industry deserves to be swallowed by Amazon. Just my take. Sorry if it offends.


The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported in February that Georgia House Speaker David Ralston manipulated his chamber’s schedule to delay proceedings in criminal cases he represented at his day job.

It was especially nefarious considering Ralston routinely represented those of accused of sex crimes; cases that lose potency over time thanks to America demanding a 100% rock-solid forensic evidence from assault victims.

You, like me, might think either shame or public outrage would have forced the Speaker out of “public service” by now. That’s not the case. An Ohio rapist just realized the benefits of retaining Ralston.

From The Associated Press:

BLAIRSVILLE, Ga. — An evangelical Ohio preacher accused of repeatedly raping a child has avoided prison mostly because of his attorney, who's said to have used his position as Georgia House speaker to delay court proceedings.

Enotah Judicial Circuit District Attorney Jeff Langley told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that a deal for 10 years' probation was the best he could do after the repeated delays. Jason Brothers pleaded guilty Wednesday to sexual battery of a minor and admitted to sexually touching the victim, now a 21-year-old woman.

Langley said the case would've been stronger if it was tried years ago as it now relied on witnesses remembering instances from 2012.

America: Land of the free, home of the brave. Best justice system in the world, baby!

THOSE WMDs. As it were: Under market, a grave situation… The five most fascinating prison museums in America…. The world’s best bounty hunter is 4’11”; here’s how she hunts… How to start an apartment vegetable garden… Mapping the effects of the great 1960’s “Freeway Revolt.”