Hire the Best Lawyer You Can't Afford

And other thoughts on life in Ohio.

Here’s one song I’ve liked recently for reasons that escape my Gumby brain:

Liking rap goes back to when my friend downloaded “California Love” on Napster when we were young and I heard the song and recognized the shoutout to Pasadena the city where my parents claim I was born and I said damn this song bangs I guess I like rap now.

And so it’s been for the rest of my life.


I’m not full of much advice that is worth knowing but one lesson I do know for reasons I don’t want to talk about right now is if you ever get in trouble like serious trouble where you made a decision and might have to go to jail the best course of action is to hire the best lawyer you can’t afford.

Prosecutors live on plea deals and most of them have no idea how to actually try a case.

Maybe the Mt. Carmel Doctor accused of murdering 25 patients read my newsletter on since he worked directly across the street from the hovel I rent for an agreeable price from my friend who is also somehow my landlord. If that’s the case I apologize not that it means anything at this juncture.

From the Associated Press via nbcnews.com:

COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Ohio doctor charged with 25 counts of murder is now scheduled for trial next June and has two new lawyers, including one known for successfully defending high-profile clients such as Casey Anthony and Aaron Hernandez.

That lawyer, Florida-based Jose Baez, called the charges against William Husel "somewhat baffling" but wouldn't comment on defense strategy Wednesday after a hearing, where some court dates were reset and Baez and Columbus lawyer Diane Menashe were accepted as the new defense team.

Husel didn't speak during the hearing.

The Columbus-area Mount Carmel Health System found that Husel ordered excessive painkillers for about three dozen hospital patients who died over the past several years.

When Husel pleaded not guilty, a different lawyer representing him at that point said the 43-year-old doctor was providing comfort care for dying patients, not trying to kill them. Baez declined to comment on that Wednesday.

Joe Baez is the type of lawyer every American hates until the day their enemies frame them for murdering a baby or shooting an associate in the face.

Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O’Brien is a dead man walking due to the scarlet (R) he’ll carry next to his name in the 2020 election with the albatross of President Business Deals at the top of the ticket. Bungling the conviction of a murderous doctor would be a good way to ensure his already guaranteed defeat.


Collecting taxes might seem like a baseline ability of any self-respecting city but that’s not always the case according to a state environmental watchdog that I didn’t know existed until right now.

From Robert Higgs of cleveland.com:

CLEVELAND, Ohio – A state agency that helps finance environmentally friendly projects might strip Cleveland and its school district of the ability to collect property taxes on an apartment and office complex planned for Ohio City, the city reported Wednesday.

David Ebersole, the city’s economic development director, told cleveland.com that such a move by the Ohio Air Quality Development Authority would cost the city, city schools, libraries and others about $57 million and could open the door for developers to circumvent taxes on future projects.

The city objects not only to the amount and duration of tax relief sought by the project’s developer, but also that the action by the state would trample on home rule powers granted by the Ohio Constitution.

“We’ve taken strong opposition to this and we will continue to do so,” Mayor Frank Jackson said.

A spokeswoman for Cleveland schools CEO Eric Gordon confirmed the district also is opposed to the tax relief -- and any abatement that would be harmful to the school district and imposed by the state.

On one hand I love development in Cleveland on the other somehow the Air Quality Authority apparently has the ability to strip city’s of its right to collect taxes so who is right it’s hard to say???

Maybe I’m cynical (I am) but I don’t think it’s a coincidence the one time I’ve read about an environmental protection group cracking skulls in Ohio the crackdown involves Big Government quashing the desires of a big city.


I believe in criminal justice reform and think businesses should hire more felons but I morph into a reactionary when someone committed a felony and continues lobbying government officials.

Such is a case in Obetz the self-proclaimed “forgiving” city.

From Bill Bush of dispatch.com:

John Raphael, considered one of the most-powerful lobbyists at Columbus City Hall until he pleaded guilty to extortion and was sent to federal prison in 2016, was hired by the village of Obetz last year just weeks before Columbus officials announced plans to relocate Crew SC’s practice facility from Obetz to Mapfre Stadium.

Obetz finalized a no-bid contract with Raphael on Nov. 15, 2018, paying him $10,000 for November and $5,000 a month after that, to represent the village in matters including “business attraction and retention efforts,” a contract says. Obetz extended the deal after it recently topped the initial limit of $45,000, said Rod Davisson, the village’s administrator.

The proposal to relocate the Crew’s practice facility became public in the first week of December.

Davisson called the timing of the contract “coincidental at best.” Raphael wasn’t hired to retain the Crew, which is negotiating with Obetz to extend the lease on a practice facility it has used since 1997.

You almost have to respect that Obetz sachems discussed a potential hire and said you know what we simply can’t do better than the crooked lobbyist who just got out of federal prison.

Not that I have anything against people who just got out of federal prison. I wish I had friends cool enough to just be getting out of federal prison.

But again I won’t apologize for feeling slimy when the storyline involves a powerful lobbyist returning to the game on fuck you he knows where we buried the bodies.


Ohio is a gun-fucking state in the middle of America a gun-fucking country. We’re super horny for murder machines in this state as evidenced by the loons we allow to dictate policies that have life-and-death ramifications for everyday residents.

That guy who promised “political bodies” if politicians had the audacity to require gun buyers undergo a background check that 90% of Americans support? He’s driving policy.

From Andrew J. Tobias of cleveland.com:

COLUMBUS, Ohio — National gun-rights groups like the NRA long have used hardball political tactics and borderline apocalyptic rhetoric to vanquish their opponents, raise money and accuse liberals of coming for your guns.

A gun-rights group that’s relatively new to the Ohio political scene is following a similar playbook. But they’re focusing the brunt of their ire not on the left, but on fellow gun-rights groups and Second Amendment-friendly Republicans.

And thanks to their confrontational, uncompromising approach, previously honed in other states, they may be gaining a foothold in Columbus.

And within days, Dorr was fundraising off the story. In a video posted to his group’s Facebook page, he promised to “double down” in opposition to DeWine​, who proposed a package of gun reforms in the wake of this month’s mass shootings in Dayton, and the “corporate media” for writing about the patrol’s review. (He softened his language slightly, bragging instead that his group kills political “careers.”)

We may be losing thousands of young people every week but we will always have guns in case that one moment comes where we have to massacre the troops.


Some Republicans read my criticisms of Attorney General Yost and say “Who the fuck is this asshole?” which is a totally fair take that I understand. But now they have to at least acknowledge I’m also the guy who was right when he read about Yost’s plan to strong-arm opioid settlements away from local governments and said holy hell this plan sucks shit.

From Rick Rouan of dispatch.com:

Gov. Mike DeWine says it would be a “serious mistake” for the state to empower Attorney General Dave Yost to take over lawsuits filed by local governments that want the pharmaceutical industry to pay damages over the opioid crisis.

Yost worked with three Republican lawmakers to draft the legislation, which has not been introduced. It would give the Ohio General Assembly authority over distributing 90% of any damages from those lawsuits.

At least 20% of the money would be earmarked for the local governments that filed the lawsuits, and attorneys for those jurisdictions and the attorney general’s office each would receive a 5% cut.

DeWine joined a growing chorus of public officials, including prosecuting attorneys, in speaking out against the proposal. That includes Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O’Brien and Columbus City Attorney Zach Klein, who both represent local governments that have filed lawsuits.

Me and Mike DeWine are boys now apparently. I don’t like it anymore than you but it’s true.

THOSE WMDs. The pasta sauce hailed as the world’s best is surprisingly easy to make… Grant Hadwin got a chainsaw and did something terrible… The two sisters and the terrorist that came between them… How history books reflect America’s unwillingness to reckon with slavery… Alexa should we trust you?