Dublin Dad Could Be Headed to Divorce Court
Urban Meyer, you might have heard, does not handle losing football games well.
I gotta say, as the No. 1 internet hater of Urban Meyer, not even I could have predicted how majestically humiliating Meyer’s transition to the NFL would become.
We’re talking about a man who lost almost half as many games in a month as he did his entire tenure at Ohio State. They were winless and hapless the first three weeks and snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in Cincinnati on Thursday night as Meyer repeatedly went back to his offensive crutch of using his quarterback as a battering ram.
I had heard rumblings from multiple people that Meyer visited his steak house in the Short North and had more than a couple Bud Lights. And then, hours later, this video showing a man who looks exactly like Urban Meyer in a place that looks exactly like Urban Meyer’s Chop House in the Short North surfaced on the internet.
That means this video is the coincidence of a lifetime or exactly what it appears to be, a drunken suburban married man not being nearly as slick as he thinks he’s being while having his hand on the ass of a woman who is not his wife because she was probably at home spreading coronavirus misinformation in the midst of a pandemic that has killed 700,000 people.
It’s hard to be down bad as a multimillionaire NFL coach returning to the town where you won a national championship, and yet, Urbz strolled through that door in four to six seconds from A to B. You almost have to respect it. Not even I had this scenario on my bingo card, and yet God works in mysterious ways.
Like Kirk Barton and NevadaBuck being exposed as grifters, not even I could have imagined Urbz getting Dublin Dad Drunk in the Short North after losing to the Bungles on Thursday Night Football and getting caught in 4-K getting whatever the equivalent for an over-the-pants hand job is for a lap dance.
I’m not sure we’re ready to the heights to which he could climb if he becomes the Divorced Dublin Dad. And just think, it’s only Week 4! He has 13 more ass-kickings to endure for our entertainment. Don’t be surprised if he’s coaching at Liberty next season.
THOSE WMDs. Britain is heading into a nightmarish winter… Eight parents mourn children killed by pills bought on Snapchat…. Revenge bedtime procrastination… How Miami seduced Silicon Valley… When public health becomes public enemy No. 1.