Old Corporate Columbus Town

It's not like America's largest labor union wasn't founded here.

My bad on not posting yesterday it’s just it was Sunday night and I decided the workers that made Labor Day wouldn’t mind if I expended one of my remaining four vacation days and took the day off.

I’m taking next Monday off too but I’ll explain that later this week (spoiler it involves the Browns opening their 2019 Super Bowl run in Cleveland).

This was the most depressing tweet I saw yesterday. Maybe one day we can return to national working conditions that make Republicans tilt their caps in respect to unions.

Instead this is what Republicans have wrought on Ohio:

PERHAPS COLUMBUS COULD MAKE MORE OF AN EFFORT ON LABOR DAY

The American Federation of Labor which eventually became the AFL-CIO aka the largest union in American history was founded in Columbus Ohio almost 131 years ago.

Given the local history of a pivotable moment in labor history and that Columbus is filled with politicians who support a worker’s right to collectively bargain you might think the city could put more of an effort into celebrating the one holiday on the American holiday calendar that celebrates something other than White Jesus Christ or the troops.

From Mark Ferenchik of dispatch.com:

Delegates elected Samuel Gompers president of the new AFL. Under his leadership, the organization grew from 50,000 in 1886 to nearly 3 million by 1924. The Congress of Industrial Organizations, a federation of unions that disagreed with the AFL over how unions should be organized, operated in the U.S. and Canada from 1935 until 1955, when it rejoined the AFL under a merged organization.

Now, the Ohio AFL-CIO is headquartered in Columbus.

Yet there are no labor-specific events planned for Columbus on Labor Day.

In the Cleveland area, the North Shore AFL-CIO Federation of Labor, which represents more than 100,000 workers, including retirees, and 146 union locals in Cuyahoga, Lake and Geauga counties, held a festival Saturday at a park in Parma, a suburb.

“It’s pretty important to us,” Dan O’Malley, campaigns manager of the North Shore organization, said of Labor Day. “We want to make sure people remember why Labor Day is important and all of the sacrifices that have been made to achieve the kind of labor standards we enjoy today.”

The funny thing is the No. 1 Stunna himself Eugene Debs would not have been shocked to learn that a union founded by Samuel Gompers proved ineffective at making a lasting impact on the labor culture in the city it founded.

Columbus should take a page out of Cleveland’s book. We’re officially a corporate town until we can at least scrape together a mile-long parade and some food trucks to celebrate the non-office workers that have to work on Labor Day for some reason.

EVEN WITH A FAKE CASINO MINERVA PARK SOUNDS LIKE A BANGER

Westerville is a cursed suburb outside of Annehurst Veterinary Hospital the greatest team of veterinarians within a 1,000 mile radius of the 270 outerbelt.

But I’d be willing to revisit my correct opinion of Westerville if it brought back Minerva Park and maybe got an actual casino involved this time.

From Michael DeBonis of wosu.org:

On July 13th 1895, Minerva Park opened its gates. The park was named after Minerva Shipherd, the wife of the Railway Company’s president, John Shipherd.

At the time, 15 cents would buy you a round trip ticket and admission to the park. The 150-acre park was a scenic getaway, perfect for a quiet picnic by the lake, but also included attractions such as a roller coaster, a bowling alley, a merry-go round, a nature museum, a pony track and a small zoo with monkeys and bears.

The park’s biggest draw was its Casino. Despite being called a "casino," games of chance were prohibited and no alcohol was served. The building did house a 2,500 seat theater that staged elaborate productions and hosted some of the biggest Vaudeville acts of the day.

I’m not sure you could get away with calling a building that banned gambling and refused to serve alcohol a casino in 2019. The Yelp reviews would be brutal.

Given they reverse those poor decisions, am I wrong for thinking we can’t be far from some out-of-state developer attempting to resurrect this concept to profiteer on the Short North Elite that feel unsafe in public spaces like Goodale Park after sunset because they once saw a homeless person sleeping on a bench.

OHIO STATE WIlL BANG ON YOUR MOM-AND-POP BAKERY IF YOU ILLEGALLY USE BUCKEYE TRADEMARKS

My most reactionary opinion is I enjoy stories of Ohio State’s team of legal eagles stomping on mom-and-pop bakeries for the high crime of bootlegging Buckeye cookies.

You knew the rules, meemaw! And you chose to break the rules anyway. Welcome to a world of law and order!

From Mark Ferenchik, Mark Price and Rita Price of dispatch.com:

Thinking of asking your favorite local bakery to decorate a cake in honor of your favorite local football powerhouse?

Think again.

When it comes to the Ohio State University, trademark protections extend to purchased edibles, no matter that those globs of scarlet-and-gray icing are destined to be gobbled up.

Commercial bakers aren’t supposed to festoon their goods with OSU imagery unless they pay a licensing fee for approved images, or go through another vendor who is licensed and can legally supply the templates and artwork.

“We’re very, very careful, because our products get photographed and put on social media,” said Elaine Clarke of Schneider’s Bakery in downtown Westerville. “There was a time when I called to inquire about the parameters for Block O and I got an immediate response, and it was very adamant.”

Instead of paying the fee directly, Schneider’s opts to use images purchased from a supplier that pays the trademarking fee, Clarke said.

If you have a bakery in Ohio you almost have to pay the iron tax. The Block “O” is branded into the membranes of most Ohioans. I consider myself much more of a Browns fan than an Ohio State fan at this time in my life and even I am much more inclined to buy a Buckeye-branded cookie over something generic.

BROWNS FANS’ SPICE RUNNING AT AN ALL TIME HIGH

Cleveland Browns return to TV screens on Sunday. I’ll be in Cleveland and on the lookout for the owner of this Kia Stinger GTS so I can shake his or her hand and compliment them on a kingly chariot worthy of of leading the Browns caravan to the Super Bowl in Miami.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE WESTERN KINGBIRD

Ohio is a state with many birds at least for the next few years until climate catastrophe consumes us all.

If you’re outside especially in Northwest Columbus be on the lookout for the majestic western kingbird.

From Jim McCormac of dispatch.com:

On the Northwest Side of Columbus lies a large stretch of green in an otherwise heavily urbanized setting. The Ohio State University Airport (Don Scott Field) and the adjoining OSU livestock facility cover about 1,300 acres. This land forms a big green oasis, especially for birds that like open country.

Birders like to check the farm’s perimeters, where there is some access at the western end of the complex. Expert birder Irina Shulgina was exploring here on Aug. 11 when she spotted an out-of-the ordinary flycatcher hunting insects from phone wires. She had found a rare western kingbird!

This wasn’t Shulgina’s first experience with western kingbirds. She has found two others at this locale, one last May and another in May 2018. Add a kingbird in Union County in 2014 to her tally, and she is the undisputed western kingbird champion of Ohio.

Don’t tell me all I need to see is five western kingbirds to become the undisputed western kingbird champion of Ohio. A a decidedly mediocre white man I have no choice but to assume I could complete this feat in the next month.

THOSE WMDs. The man who guards America’s ketchup… Is prison necessary? Ruth Wilson Gilmore might change your mind... My brother went missing and the search for him turned my world upside down… This is your brain on nationalism… As grass-roots labor activism emerges, will unions take advantage?