Democrats' Last Stand in Ohio

And we ain't talking presidential.

Ate truck tacos outside my therapist’s office yesterday along W. Broad Street in the Hilltop and realized if I squinted hard enough I could turn my grimy worldview into the white sands and blue seas I had come to know and love in Mexico.

The mirage lasted until I got told I had made progress which has always been a precursor to something cataclysmic happening in my life.

If I die today please know I’m sorry but none of y’all are getting any of your money back as my entire estate will be transferred to The Starcat who will be tap-dancing on Mars before anyone realizes I died.

In the meantime you freeloaders of which there are many please consider throwing rubies at my feet.

THE MOST IMPORTANT 2020 RACE IN OHIO DOESN’T INVOLVE THE SELF-PROCLAIMED KING OF THE JEWS

I’m not sure any Democrat will beat President Business Deals the self-anointed King of the Jews in Ohio. The good news for those of us that don’t believe black people should be shipped back to Africa is the presidential circus isn’t the most important race in 2020 affecting everyday life in state.

That is the Supreme Court contest where the Democrats could win control of Ohio’s highest court for the first time since 1980 or something wild like that. It offers Democrats the first substantial opportunity to push back against the GOP rat-fucking of this state since Ted Strickland resided in the governor’s mansion for those four years before the Koch Brothers dumped ~$1 billion against him.

From Jo Ingles of statenews.org:

Some of the biggest races on the ballot next year could be for the Ohio Supreme Court. Two seats now held by Republican justices will be open. A prominent Democrat who has held statewide office says she wants one of them. 

Appeals Court Judge and former Ohio Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner says she is running for the seat now held by Justice Judith French. Brunner says she is running because the court will take up big issues like criminal justice and property rights.

“The Supreme Court sort of sets the tone for what issues are we going to consider, what issues are we going to look at, how are we going to look at them and they have a way, as I saw when I was Secretary of State protecting people’s votes, of filtering down to affect people in the most intimate ways," Brunner says.

The biggest advantage this offers Democrats is the race is non-competitive meaning candidates won’t have a (D) or (R) next to their name and most Republican voters are low-information as evidenced by Miami County rejecting icons like Sherrod Brown and myself while electing hardcore liberal Michael P. Donnelly to the Supreme Court on account he has a nice White-sounding name with no (D) next to his name.

If the Democrats fail to capture both these seats… kiss the state goodbye and abandon the ship unless you like the sound of living in Alabama or Missouri which is what the state will become once the Republicans control all the infinity stones.

A STORY THAT WILL SURPRISE PEOPLE WITHOUT BLACK FRIENDS

Columbus police love nothing more than using black children as props in social media posts to prove that they’re good and not part of a racist gang.

Yet when you step beyond the pictures the CPD wants the public to see you quickly learn many cops feel an entirely different way about black adults who they can’t use as props.

From Bethany Bruner and Bill Brush of dispatch.com:

Columbus police have a “significant disparity of use of force against minority residents” that the city must address, according to a consultant’s recommendations on improving the division.

Highlighting multiple issues of racial disparity, a 330-page review by Matrix Consulting Group, completed for the Columbus Community Safety Advisory Commission as part of its review of city police training and procedures, found numerous racial divides within the Police Division.

Though white residents make up almost 61% of the city’s population, they account for 26 percent of the Police Division’s 438 incidents involving use of force in 2017, the study found. Blacks, however, account for about half of the use-of-force incidents — hovering between 49% and 53% since 2013, even though black residents make up only 28% of the city’s population.

“There was a clear and discernible disparity of application (of use of force) between ‘black’ and ‘white’ contacts,” said the report, obtained by The Dispatch through the Ohio Public Records Act.

It’s pathetic a study needed to be commissioned on this subject as if all the stories about police abuse from black and brown community members doesn’t mean a thing until an academic verifies studies what was already clear to anybody who wasn’t a cop or has cop family.

The local Democratic machine loves to present themselves as progressive protectors yet not one of them has the courage to stand against an armed gang that beats marginalized citizens. Not! A! Single! One!

FUYAO EXEC BLAMES BAD TRANSLATION FOR THAT TIME HE ADMITTED TO BREAKING THE LAW ON TAPE

One trick powerful people like to use when they’re accurately quoted is to say wow actually that’s not what I said. So it went for the Fuyao executive in Dayton that admitted to breaking the law in front of cameras from the new smash-hit documentary American Factory that you should watch.

From Thomas Gnau of daytondailynews.com:

Fuyao’s chief executive said Monday a subtitled translation in the Netflix documentary “American Factory” — a translation in which Liu tells Fuyao’s chairman that he has fired supporters of a unionization effort at the company — is misleading.

“I have nothing to say since it is not true statement and misleading translation in the film,” Jeff Liu, CEO of Fuyao Glass America, said in an email to the Dayton Daily News.

The scene in the documentary shows Liu speaking in a private meeting at Fuyao with company founder Cho Tak Wong in 2016 or 2017. At the time, company leaders were concerned about a United Auto Workers campaign to persuade Fuyao workers to approve a UAW-represented bargaining unit. Company workers rejected UAW representation in a November 2017 plant vote.

According to subtitled translations in the film, Cho is shown saying he will close the Moraine plant if workers create a bargaining unit. Cho also says that continued “bleeding” of money at the plant is “worse than a union.”

America’s percentage of unionized workers (a pathetic 10.7%) would be much higher if every worker paid attention to how every pig boss hates unions. Unless of course they think the pig boss has their best interest in heart.

OHIO TO DROP 800,000 RABIES VACCINES ACROSS THE STATE

Ohio is much more likely to protect public health if the threat involves a rabid raccoon instead of an 13-year-old rape victim looking for an abortion.

From Drew Scofield of news5cleveland.com:

Later this week, Ohio plans to drop nearly a million vaccine doses across 14 counties to inoculate the state’s raccoon population against rabies.

The Ohio Department of Health is partnering with the U.S. Department of Agriculture Animal and Plant Inspection Service to drop around 800,000 vaccine baits across a 4,825 square mile area to create an “immune barrier” along the state line.

Health officials said the baits are small blister packs filled with vaccine and covered in a green waxy coating that is sweet-smelling.

The baits will be air-dropped by plane and helicopter and distributed by ground crews starting on Aug. 23. Residents should be aware of low-flying aircraft.

Hmmm. Maybe we could turn these baits into granola bars and sprinkle them around suburban schools where wine moms don’t believe in vaccinating their children. Just a thought sorry if this offends.

DOES ANYTHING GOOD EVER HAPPEN IN OHIO? SURE

Browns and Buckeyes will soon be upon us (I refused to discuss preseason every day like a maniac) but until then I will highlight any case involving a young Ohioan realizing her dream of carrying mail with the patriots at the United States Postal Service.

From wkbn.com:

WESTWOOD, Ohio (CNN) – A young woman with Down Syndrome has dreamed of becoming a mail carrier her entire life.

Now, thanks to an Ohio post office, that wish became a reality.

Grace Flannery is 21, and ever since she was a little girl, she wanted to be a “mailwoman.”

Tuesday, the Postal Service delivered her dream.

Her first day of work was alongside letter carrier Melissa Tilton, who walked Grace through her workday.

“I love my job. I love my job to begin with, and then when I find out that someone else wants to do it, I’m like ‘Yeah, let’s do it. This will be great,'” Tilton said.

Just another example of how anyone who hates on the Postal Service is a borderline fascist.

THOSE WMDs. Trump team braces donors for potential “mild and short” recession… Ukrainian activists draw attention to little-known World War II tragedy… Forget the beach: Hanging poolside in Miami… The Disneyland of death… The subversive messages hidden in The Wizard of Oz.

Back to the Workhouse

At least it's cheap to die here.

Got deported from Mexico after four days for having too much sex hahaha just kidding that’s gross I’m sorry.

U.S. Customs dumped my bag in a futile hunt for contraband and made me re-pack my belongings while rushing to catch a connecting flight to Columbus. That kept a common theme from the excursion of tienda owners, rowdy teens and other shadowy figures from Playa del Carmen whispering to my castaway Gringo ass about free samples of weed or perico as I strolled past their wares on the way to Coco Bongo the greatest show on Earth.

Thankfully I remembered the teachings of my D.A.R.E. officer who went to jail for real estate embezzlement and all those times he told us to say no to drugs between rants about the cussing cartoon characters on South Park the show that seemed bacchanalian in 1997.

The point is Mexico is an enchanting land of tranquility where you don’t have to worry about what you’ll do if a maniacal misogynist with a murder machine bursts through the door and starts spraying death sentences unless you owe an international drug cartel thousands of dollars.

I'm back in America the land of the free and home of the brave.

Weird how all the pro-life politicians suddenly don’t care about a full-blown baby when it’s poor and brown. Almost like the movement is a religious window dressing for white supremacy.

SAVE YOUR ESTRANGED CHILDREN SOME MONEY BY DYING IN COLUMBUS

I prefer life in Ohio the place I’ve lived 90% of my life over expensively crowded coasts I visit like once every two years. Columbus might lack proper mass transportation and reside in the middle of a state controlled by low-traveling freaks while hemorrhaging young people but it’s 37% more affordable than New York City according to some random calculator I googled:

Throw another stone on top of Columbus’ pile too as some company has commissioned a study citing Ohio’s capital city as the second-cheapest place in America’s big cities for your loved ones to put you in the ground.

From Clare Proctor of dispatch.com:

Columbus has the lowest average cremation cost among the 15 most populous U.S. cities at $2,747, according to finder.com, a site that advises its users on financial decision-making. And for traditional burials, Columbus is second-least expensive with an average of $5,737, second only to Los Angeles.

Data was collected and analyzed in August 2018, according to Nicole Gallina, communications coordinator for finder.com. The figures include the cost of a memorial service and a wake, she said.

Michael Schoedinger, president of Schoedinger Funeral and Cremation Services, which has 14 locations in central Ohio, accredits this to the fact that nearly all funeral homes and crematoriums in Columbus are family-owned, not corporate chains.

“We’re blessed to have funeral home owners in Columbus who love what they’re doing and get their fulfillment helping families on the toughest days of their lives,” Schoedinger said. “They’re not just worried about collecting their money.”

Please consider this my will: If I die throw me into the nearest dumpster and use the funeral fund on something a lot cooler than putting another dead man into the dirt.

KILLING BUSINESS GETTING TOO EXPENSIVE FOR PRO-LIFE HOUSEHOLDER

Ohio hasn’t found a way to murder prisoners without violating the state constitution and frustrations are showing. Noted Christian and Ohio House Speaker Larry Householder says he’s starting to think the death penalty might be bad due to how much it costs the state to murder a prisoner.

From Nick Swartsell of citybeat.com:

"I think I'm probably like most Ohioans; there was a time that I was extremely supportive of the death penalty," Householder told reporters today. "But as time has gone on, I've become less and less supportive, just because of the matter of cost, for one. It is extremely expensive to put someone to death in lieu of keeping them (for) life in prison. And also, it's becoming more and more difficult to do an execution. Over the years, we've gone from electrocution to lethal injection, and now there are issues raised about lethal injection. It's just become more and more difficult to do and it's more expensive."

That doesn't mean Householder is calling for the abolition of the death penalty, necessarily. He has indicated he's waiting for viable alternatives that could permit the state to start up scheduled executions again. The state has an execution tentatively scheduled for November and another for December. 

But one solution proposed by Republican State Rep. Scott Wiggam — using fentanyl seized during drug busts to execute prisoners — is a no-go for Householder, he has said. The most powerful Republican in the Ohio House of Representatives says he doesn't think using powerful synthetic opiates seized on the streets is constitutional. DeWine has expressed similar reservations about the proposal.

Like most Ohioans there was a time I was extremely supportive of the death penalty until I turned 14 and read how it’s a racist and classist policy that inevitably kills innocent people and decided hmmm that sounds bad actually.

But if it takes the mythical dragon of “fiscal responsibility” to finally get this state out of the killing business then I’ll take a victory wherever I can from a government I’m starting to think doesn’t take this blogger’s opinions seriously.

FRACKING COMPANIES RUN WILD WITH HELP OF OBSCURE OHIO LAW PASSED IN 1965

Fracking is a dirty business that poisons water tables and in pro-business Ohio energy conglomerates used an obscure law passed over 40 years ago to trample over eastern Ohio and extract its vast wealth while offering landowners pennies on the dollars and hounding them until they sold.

From Julie Grant of wosu.org:

"We normally think of the rights of the landowner as being things like the right to decide what's done with your land. Or what's not done with your land," explained Heidi Robertson, a professor of law and environmental studies at Cleveland State University.

Robertson published a law review article in 2018 about Ohio's unitization law. The law, passed in 1965, was to ensure the efficient extraction of oil and gas. Before, landowners used to setup wells all over their land, without regard to their neighbors.

But too many wells so close together, adversely affected the underground pressure that allowed the oil and gas to be extracted. 

So the law requires the land for a well to be a certain size and shape. For shallow wells, that was an acre. 

The law didn't get much use until the fracking boom. Nowadays, wells snake horizontally for miles, deep beneath the ground. According to industry experts, most land units in Ohio today range from 300 to 1,100 acres. 

Robertson says one unit of land can have hundreds of different landowners.

"Then you have to have the agreement of all of the landowners in order to cobble together the rights to drill," she said. 

The tragedy of Eastern Ohio is it’s constantly used as a piggybank by state government and energy companies and none of that wealth ever seems to stay in the local communities while they’re left dealing with the devastating ecological effects.

DISPATCHES FROM THE WELL-REGULATED MILITIA

Good news for the majority of Ohioans who don’t own guns as the NRA licensed a forger who provided training to people looking for the right to carry a concealed weapon.

From Eileen McClory of courier-journal.com:

A Ravenna man has pleaded guilty to charges that he handed out certifications for firearms training he was supposed to provide, but didn’t. 

Anthony P. Drago, 48, of 435 Pratt St., Ravenna, has pleaded guilty to two counts of falsification, both misdemeanors. He was a National Rifle Association firearms instructor who was authorized to provide the training that is mandatory under Ohio law to obtain a concealed-carry permit from the sheriff’s office. 

Drago’s trial in Portage County Common Pleas Court was to begin Tuesday. He was originally indicted on four counts of tampering with records, all third-degree felonies; four counts of falsification, each a fourth-degree felony; and four counts of forgery, each a fifth-degree felony. According to the indictment, the incidents occurred between April 2017 and October 2018. 

Portage County Sheriff David Doak has said only a few of the records went to his office and he did not believe any conceal-carry permits were issued to people who had the false records. 

I figured that would be the wildest gun-related story I’d read for the day but that lasted for about 20 minutes when I discovered this rollercoaster of a story out of Morrow County.

From Dean Narcisco of dispatch.com:

A first grader who found his grandmother’s loaded gun at school this spring pointed it at another student, according to an email released Monday by Highland Local Schools in Morrow County.

Last Thursday, school officials said Nelson had briefly gone to the restroom, leaving the gun hidden behind her desk. They said they didn’t know how long the child had access to it or whether he pointed it at anyone.

“I’m assuming that the child picked up the gun from behind the desk and had been holding it,” Superintendent Dan Freund said then.

But an email from the assistant transportation director — the parent of the classmate who was with the boy March 8 — told a different story.

“He pointed it at her and said ‘Put your hands behind your back your [sic] arrested,’” Christine Scaffidi, the assistant transportation director, told Freund in the email.

I’m supposed to believe a teacher who couldn’t even properly secure her lethal weapon around first-graders is going to charge towards the criminal wearing body armor and carrying an assault rifle and take them out with a dome shot. This is the scenario gun nuts want us to believe.

WHAT TO WATCH NEXT TIME YOU NETFLIX

My friends in Dayton that saw an early screening of American Factory say it’s a banger.

From Thomas Gnau of daytondailynews.com:

Before “American Factory” became President and Mrs. Obama’s first Netflix documentary, it was the quiet local project of award-winning Yellow Springs-based filmmakers Julia Reichert and Steve Bognar.

For months, Reichert and Bognar (and their colleagues) filmed a story now familiar to Dayton but perhaps new and strange to others — tracking how a Chinese billionaire bought a shuttered General Motors factory in Moraine and transformed it into what is now the largest complex in the world devoted to producing automotive safety glass, with some 2,300 American and 200 Chinese workers.

Filled with stark beauty and pain from the first frame, the story picks up from “The Last Truck,” the HBO film that earned Reichert and Bognar a 2010 Academy Award nomination for best documentary, short subject. There, the duo told the story of thousands of workers stranded by GM’s December 2008 plant closure.

God bless the Gem City. I can’t wait to watch this tonight.


THOSE WMDs. The collapse of a hospital empire and the towns left with the wreckage… Anti-nuclear weapon activist Rick Spangler was a terrorist at home… The state with the most suicides desperately needs shrinks… The fight to make soccer less fun… Behind the Facebook-fueled rise of The Epoch Times… Fake cop allegedly tricked phone companies into giving him people’s location data.

You heard it here second folks!

Fake gender reveal parties, an Ice Age artifact, THE Ohio State University and more.

Oh God well big welcome to new subscribers thanks to the generosity of @Plunderbund signal-boosting Ohio’s most humble newsletter.

Put this on my tombstone please:

It’s me your tour guide the one that used the word murder like eight times in three paragraphs yesterday as if that’s at thing people enjoy.

Bad time to announce but I’m spending two of my remaining eight vacation days in 2019 by going to Tulum Mexico this weekend with a Colombian woman who definitely likes me for my good looks and debonair charm and I need mad Mexican pesos so please consider subscribing for $5 a month or $30 a year or sending $20 and your email to @warrengharding on Venmo and service will return to normal next Wednesday.

To repeat please advance me vacation expenses to make my life easier in writing off my taxes and I’ll get you back starting Wednesday the 21st after I take Monday and Tuesday off due to how hard I’ve worked this year.

The newcomers undoubtedly heard this is an uplifting newsletter where we discuss only good things. Today we salute new Ohio resident Yasiel Puig the one good and righteous baseball player.

For those unfamiliar Puig weathered the figurative and literal storm to come to America. Maybe one day America will provide a similarly smooth path to citizenship for immigrants who aren’t multimillion-dollar baseball players.

Also you might not know your river guide is from Marion Ohio the City of Kings and if you’re ever traveling through the blessed city be sure to turn to the only 24/7 blues station in the state:

Ah well now that the charade is over I’m sorry to report this newsletter is actually the work of chronic depressive.

DRUG ASSASSINATIONS AT FAKE GENDER REVEAL PARTIES NEVER GO AS PLANNED

The creator of the gender reveal party recently declared it was a stupid idea.

I could have told her that but she never asked and nevertheless a woman in Cincinnati staged a fake gender reveal party that has led to four indictments.

From Sarah Brookbank, Cameron Kight and Kevin Grasha of cincinnati.com:

A Columbus man has been charged in connection with the fake gender-reveal party shooting that killed one and injured eight in Colerain Township in 2017. 

Vandell Slade, 30, has been charged with murder, attempted murder and felonious assault, according to an indictment filed Wednesday in Hamilton County Common Pleas Court.

Three other men were charged in the shooting in December.

On July 8, 2017, Autum Garrett, 22, was shot and killed at a supposed gender-reveal party for Cheyanne Willis, who was 21. Colerain police eventually determined they were dealing with witnesses who had connections to more than one drug ring.

Willis was the target of the shooting and declared shortly thereafter to media she had lost a fetus after getting shot in the thigh yet cops quickly announced she admitted she wasn’t actually pregnant at the time.

Sounds about right. I have never been invited to a gender reveal party and that streak looks like it will continue into 2020.

BACK IN THE DAY OHIO’S BIG FURRY CREATURES COULDN’T PASS LAWS

Lived in Ohio damn near my whole life and somehow I’m just hearing about Millersburg the town east of Mansfield where apparently mammoths used to roam.

From Kaylyn Hlavaty of news5cleveland.com:

MILLERSBURG, Ohio — While playing in the creek during a family reunion at Honey Run in Millersburg, located in Holmes County, a boy found mammoth tooth dating back to the Ice Age on July 26.

Jason Nies, who owns the Inn at Honey Run, 6920 County Road 203, said one of his cousin's sons, Jackson, found the fossil while playing in the creek.

“His dad and his uncle are both really into natural history and understanding nature," Nies said. "They quickly jumped online and were Googling it, and that's when we quickly found out this might be a mammoth or a mastodon tooth."

Nies said the tooth was found in a creek tributary, but it wasn't buried, just laying there on the side.

Lived in this state damn near my whole life and have never discovered a mammoth tooth that was subject of viral articles from national outlets.

I’m not saying this is a government false flag though I am saying it’s curious prehistorical creatures are currently serving throughout state government and it’s odd I’m hearing about this one as if it’s news.

TROLL HARDER IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH HELL

I partied my way out of Ohio State and that makes me infinitely more qualified than any of these goddamn nerds whining because the Buckeyes’ trademark trolls taking a swing at trademarking the most common word in the English language.

From Joe Blundo of dispatch.com:

I hope you don’t mind the informality. I know that your formal name is The Ohio State University -- which is exactly why I’m writing to you.

For heaven’s sake, stop using that The.

It sounds arrogant and is easily mocked.

The Dayton Daily News proved as much with its front-page headline last week after the University of Dayton upset OSU in the NCAA basketball tournament: “THE University of Dayton,” the newspaper brayed in big type.

Ouch.

Yes, I know: When the state legislature officially renamed the school in 1878, it specified that the Ohio Agricultural and Mechanical College would henceforth be known as The Ohio State University.

So what? Tina Fey was born Elizabeth Stamatina Fey. Bolivia is officially the Plurinational State of Bolivia. You don’t hear them insisting that they be called exactly what’s on their birth certificates.

Cool story nerd. How many College Football Playoffs has your university won? Not many most likely.

  • Cincinnati Enquirer: “‘The’ Ohio State University is a bit arrogant, insecure isn’t it?”

  • Detroit Free Press: “Hey, Ohio State: Trying to steal the word 'THE' makes you greedy.”

  • USA Today: “Ohio State has market corned on THE dumbest ideas."

Seems like a bunch of sex-havers that have the pulse of the world.

If you want to support a good OSU project please consider this one:

Cincinnati bums about to be sick when me and my goons pull up to the Shoe as we locals call it while wearing “THE” branded hats and drinking FourLoko 14% spiked seltzers.

THE SQUAREST STATE IN THE UNION MOVES TO OUTLAW ANOTHER PLANT

The Ohio Legislature recently decriminalized possession of 200 grams of marijuana or less when they legalized hemp.

That means that they have to do something equally uncool to balance the tao.

It looks like Kratom is on the chopping block.

From Kaitlin Schroeder of daytondailynews.com:

The state could ban a herbal supplement next month that would effectively make it against the law to possess the product.

The Ohio Board of Pharmacy delayed making a decision last week on whether to regulate kratom as a Schedule 1 controlled substance — the same category as heroin and LSD.

Advocates and kratom retailers have touted the product as a healing herb and shared personal stories of life changing benefits, while medical groups have cited health risks and supported the proposed ban. The FDA has said that kratom marketers are making unproven claims that put consumers at risk.

Kratom, or mitragyna speciosa, is a plant native to Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia and Papua New Guinea. It is now available and for sale in Ohio and has grown in popularity in recent years.

By 2050 Ohio is going to resemble an obscure Japanese island after World War II in that it’s going to be controlled by a fanatic militant wing of zealots accidentally defending a way of life that has been lost for a decade.

TOP COP SAYS HIS FRIEND DID NOT DO A SCANDAL

Ohio recently made national headlines for granting its drivers license database to the FBI’s facial recognition dragnet.

It might sound alarming to you as a regular person but there’s nothing to worry about according to Ohio’s top cop that is also friends with the guy who was in charge of making sure your sensitive personal data wasn’t abused in the first place.

From Liz Skalka of toledoblade.com:

Attorney General Dave Yost suspended access to Ohio’s facial-recognition databases for 4,500 law enforcement officers following a national report that revealed federal agencies are mining state databases without people’s consent. 

Mr. Yost said Wednesday his office’s review of Ohio’s facial-recognition system found “zero evidence” of abuse, although he said the officers who use it going forward will require training.

“The bottom line is there were no dragnets, there was no mass surveillance, and in fact all the federal agencies that accessed the facial recognition system represented [less than 4 percent] of those searches,” Mr. Yost said. “The things that were implied in that Washington Post story were not true as they apply to Ohio.”

Mr. Yost’s briefing was in response to a Post report in July that revealed the FBI, ICE, and other federal agencies were using state driver’s license databases to conduct facial-recognition searches and surveillance. The use of this data by federal authorities has never been authorized by Congress or state legislatures and has been denounced by civil rights groups.

“It wasn’t a dragnet” depends entirely on your definition of a dragnet.

Ah! Well… nevertheless…

WHY MY TEAM DOESN’T SUCK ACTUALLY

I intended for The Rooster to be a sports thing 50% of the time but the politically poisoned people overran my subscription list.

I will never betray my roots and I am thankful to welcome the politically minded people to my Super Bowl Browns newsletter.

From Browns fan Devon via Drew Magary of deadspin.com:

White people in Northeast Ohio, residing exclusively in white flight suburbs (NOT CLEVELAND), have become so radicalized by Trump that my parents no longer have friends who are not full-on Nazis.

These are people who protested the Vietnam War who now get mad at the mere existence of black people even though they do not know any.

The Browns are the only topic available for me to have a conversation with these mutants/family friends because they’re mad the Indians ditched the vile Chief Wahoo and LeBron James had the goddamn temerity to leave “us” for a real city (again, they don’t live in Cleveland).

The Browns are the only thing tying me to the most despicable human swine in America. I cannot wait for the season to start!

I cannot contest the notion my Browns fandom connects me to the most despicable human swine in America. But I won’t apologize for saying the Browns will win the Super Bowl this year.

If that makes me an idiot I’d rather be that guy than the one who predicts nothing but bad things to befall his favored football team in the fall.

Coward life will never be me.

THOSE WMDs. At sleep-away camps, a summer of surveillance… The importance of county fairs… Lessons from a “local food” scam artist… A Mexican hospital, an American surgeon and a $5,000 check (yes, a check)… Something’s brewing in the Deep Red West… Jia Tolentino wants you to read children’s books.

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